Here's What Happened

Well. I'm not sure how to best start this. Maybe I should begin with a summary of events:

Pigs flew, the sky fell, I put on ten pounds, and I did the impossible: I moved back to New York.

Is the first thought that comes to mind, Shut the front door? Yeah. I feel you.

It took a full year to call it quits and get on out of here. When I finally did, something weird happened. Early one evening I was crossing a bridge over a river on foot, icy wintry winds whipping my hair in every direction when I got a text message. Did I have a minute to talk? There is news. I removed my gloves, my frozen fingers taking a while to activate the touch screen on my phone. Sure, I tapped back. A call came through.

This happened, that happened, you moved away, this is where we are now... Would you consider moving back to New York to do this?

I think I laughed. Or maybe I was stunned into silence? Either way, the idea was absurd. I mean, I had just left. Everybody knew the circumstances of my move.

By the time I made it to the other side of the bridge, I was standing there with lead feet, face still frozen, but my hair finally protected from the river's frigid gusts as I took shelter by a brick building where I had once taken a micro econ class. Rush hour pedestrians gingerly and patiently stepped around the girl staring with disbelief at the phone in her hand. Ha, yeah, right, I thought.

Conversations took place. Long phone calls happened. Excited texts came through. Lengthy internal dialogues took up residence in my brain. I thought through every possible scenario of what-if-Is and what-if-I-don'ts. I had trouble sleeping. An opportunity had knocked. I very much wanted to find a way to open the door and walk across the threshold. I made a decision and did the unthinkable. I submitted my resignation. I found an apartment. I re-sealed my boxes. I scheduled movers. And I crossed back through the Lincoln Tunnel.

I settled in. I tossed a window a/c unit. It looked like it was from the 90s. I found a dozen wayward dog treats under the fridge. The previous tenants had had a puppy. I scrubbed the bathroom floor tiles with three different cleaning agents to no avail. Then I tried a pricey and especially toxic grout cleaner I found at Home Depot. It helped a little, but I still wish the grout fairy would make a visit one night and just re-do it. My neighbor's cigarette smoke is a daily nuisance, but I've slowly adjusted and am finally getting used to jumping up and closing my windows whenever necessary.

I worked on some things while I was away. I got to spend some time with people I don't normally spend time with. On my first day back, I felt pretty good. Even with the unknown, it felt right. The timing of the events that brought me to this point in my life leaves something to be desired, but the choices that drove these events are ones that I like to think were sometimes prudent, sometimes necessary, and sometimes both. In that same vein, right now, this is what I choose. I choose here.