Pact
At some point this spring, I realized that I had to get out more. This would be a challenge seeing as how my ideal Friday involves me in cotton panties and a documentary, not Hanky Pankies and a sticky bar. But it had to be done (and I say this second part in all seriousness without exaggeration) for my sanity. I was spending too much time alone. The winter was hard on my psyche and I couldn't keep going as I had been. So I made a promise to myself: to every invitation, I must accept. I must go. Maybe it's for a half hour, maybe an hour, maybe even five. It didn't matter. I just have to make an effort to make an appearance. And if there is a drink offered, skin hives and Asian blush included (I mean, it doesn't get any sexier than that), the same applies: I must imbibe.
To many, it will sound trivial and absurd that I'm talking about the familiar, routine acts of socializing, but if you are as scared of falling into a deep depression as I am, you will understand how paramount a small effort like this can be. This little pact between my mental health and myself might even sound a smidge laughable, especially because one defines so much of the other, but trust me when I say that it's necessary. Admittedly, preparing for each event feels like a test of stubborn souls, but I trust that in time, things will reset to what they should be, to what they once were.
Headed to the West Village {+}. NYC.
Then maybe I won't stall by talking to myself and playing with the camera at the entrance of my bathroom when I should have left for the bar a half hour earlier. I know I sound like a headcase, and I might be a little because don't we all have our own demons, but for the most part, I promise I'm not.
I know what you mean, Julia. I spent nearly all of January cooped up in my apartment, working, and with very little human contact outside of my husband. Even for an introvert like me, it was too much! I would get excited over things like dinner with his co-worker or a weekend party, which never happened before. But then the spring came, and things went from too little to too many social engagements. Now I've figured out the right balance (1-2 meetings per week), but it took a while. I'm sure you will, too!
ReplyDeleteMichelle! Where have you been?! It's good to hear from you.
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Why I so often opt out of spending time w/people, whether I'm already well-acquainted with their stories or would enjoy getting to know better, I don't know. I'm not introverted, I'm not really shy, and 99% of the time, I actually have a fine time when I participate. The bottom line is this: I can see a situation brewing in front of me here, so I'm working on finding that balance you speak of. Thanks for your vote of confidence.
Hi Julia! Sorry I've been MIA..it's good to hear from you too. I think I checked out a little when you said you were taking a break from the blog, but I'm glad to see you're back and writing.
DeleteIt could be inertia in your case. Sometimes you just get stuck in a routine that's hard to break out of and that you don't want to break out of. I'm absolutely sure you'll find what works for you!
I see...
DeleteGlad you're back and alive and well.
That's a good pact to make. I might need to consider making the same pact with myself. I spend 99.9% of my time alone.
ReplyDeleteIf you feel the need to get more people time, I'd encourage it. But maybe when it cools down a bit in your neck of the woods :).
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